I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
