I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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