I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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