Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
