I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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