Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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