So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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