i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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