one two three fourrrrnication!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
