Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Pooping to opera.
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