And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
