Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
