My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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