if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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