I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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