my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
