i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
