I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
