I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?