i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
