She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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