Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
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Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
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I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.