Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse