Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
