He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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