I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
