Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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