I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
