Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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