Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
