living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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