I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
