so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
only if we run a train.
done.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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