Need sex. Gaining weight.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
