The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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