it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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