It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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