i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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