I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
