oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
