I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
