just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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