he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
