just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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