You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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