After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
