No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
