i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
