What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
