He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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