Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
