too bad you live with your parents still
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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