dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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