You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
