it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
