Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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