it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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