I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
