She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
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After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
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Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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