WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
