it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
