I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
wakey wakey hands off snakey
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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