she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
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After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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