Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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